Enjoying my alone time.

I am at Danny and Suzy's house enjoying my alone time. It is so nice to be by myself. I had a lot of it in Mereta and it got to me a little. But, I was always so happy when Kyle got home. It is so nice to not have to be aware of yourself.It so nice to be unabashedly sad. To cry. To listen to Radiohead at a decibel not meant for normal folks. To not smile.

I never smile. This really bothers other people. I am like my dad that way. He doesn't smile. Always looks angry. I used to hate getting pictures back of my dad and I. He was never smiling and it made me feel like he didn't want to be around me. So, knowing the way I felt I always give a disclaimer. I probably should say that in interviews.

I am so sore from all of the exercising from the week and it feels phenomenal. I told Linz thank you for the gym membership. We were sitting on the couch watching TV last night. She got tears in her eyes. She said she wanted to give me something and wanted to make me happy. She knows what it feels to exercise and what it can do for you mentally.

I am having a hard time talking to Kyle on the phone. It hurts so bad. I just don't want talk to him unless I am face to face with him. My soul is amazing. The amount that I can handle is getting easier to hold within me. I am learning patience and gratitude. Humility is a part of my daily routine. It just sits on my shoulder whispering in my ear. It lets me know that I am a speck of sand. I am letting go of arrogance and judgement. I am experiencing something that will make me a wise woman.

I am so proud of myself.