I love when people talk about me.

Really I do. It use to bother me. In high school I allowed myself to be walked on. I allowed myself to feel "unpopular". I allowed myself to have insecurity issues. I would be crushed if I heard one little thing about me. Mean gossip would have me sequestered in my room for days with Tori Amos and journal writing.

Then in college I did A LOT of things that made people talk about me, specifically sorority sisters that loved to gossip. I was doing a lot of drugs, drinking a lot, and having fun with the boys. I think there at 401 Comanche (the address of my sorority house) I finally gained my stance on what other people think about me. I had a group of sisters and we called ourselves XXX. Tri-Chi. We were destructive and ripped through San Marcos with a vengeance. But, those three women and I were invincible. We did want we wanted and told everybody F.A.Y!!! Fuck all ya'll.

I love when my name is other people's mouths. They give a power to me that they did not intend to give. It makes me feel like a celebrity almost. Like I did something worth gossiping about. I am justified by proving to myself that I am not an ordinary wallflower.

Mae West said " If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning". So again I am reiterating a point that I made earlier. I don't give a flying fuck who reads this blog. I don't care if what I do is offensive. I don't care if what I say is truth and YOU CAN'T STAND IT. I hope it makes you uncomfortable. Because it helps me to breathe and live my life. Keeping feelings and ideas in is festering and toxic.

So maybe Kyle and I are crazy. Maybe we are doing this all wrong. Maybe I will live in Austin and he will live in San Angelo. That might be the arrangement. Maybe I flip-flop around in my decisions.But, I will never flip-flop on the idea that I love him. I am a very passionate person that thinks with my heart always and my head rarely. We fight passionately and in a giant way. If you can't handle it, well focus on something else and not us/me.

Otherwise, read this blog. Get in from the horse's mouth. Don't spread shit to people that is entirely untrue. That will bring bad KARMA to you.

Did I mention that I am an angst ridden bitch when I PMS. I have been on medication for 10 years (!!!!!) to supress my emotions. Not anymore.