I cut it all off.

I cut all my hair off yesterday and it feels great. I wanted a bit of a professional look for my interviews that will come up. I have been told I look sassy...woo hoo. Kyle says I look more like a woman. I feel like the more drastic changes the more I will feel the change that will come inevitably.

I am gettimg more and more nervous about what will become of me lately. I am trying hard to fight the negativity and worries. I am trying to believe that I will stay married and become more stable in my life.

But my crazy head is generating all the doubts that I don't want to think about. I am dreaming lately..day dreaming. I dreamt about my hair cut. I got exactly that. I dream about being healthy again and feeling healthy.Specifically my short hair on my bike with a silk 70's vintage jumpsuit in mint green. I am 10 pounds thinner and have a little tan from being at barton springs all week. I love my husband and I want him to be with me in my dreams. I am afraid he isn't. I feel a distance that I think I am creating.

I am not doing my job to the fullest. At all. I feel terrible about it, but these people that work at this high school are ASSHOLES. I have never seen so many unhappy, repressed, sallow, unhealthy, and dehydrated individuals. I know that work environment really does make a difference in work ethics.

The only thing I am whole hearted about right now is my diet. I am drinking almost a gallon of water a day. I am trying to go meatless. It is fun to try new recipes. It really has become a hobby of mine. This week I made meatless shepard's pie, meatless enchilada cassarole, lentil soup with nutmeg and ginger, and a tofu lime cilantro black bean thing. Tonight it will be cauliflower macaroni and cheese.