Free Falling

About 5 years ago I decided to make better choices. I was apathetic towards my health and future. I think that the particular type of medication I was on made me not care. I drank and drove. I had sex after a few dates. I did drugs. I didn't sleep well. I sure as hell didn't give a shit about my finances.

Well I grew up. I found a career I liked. I quit drinking and driving. I had discovered taxi's and wine. The whiskey made me crazy. I stopped doing cocaine and then pot made me have anxiety attacks. I definitely stopped having sex. I paid my bills. I became secure and safe. My quality of life soared.

Then I did something crazy. I left my safety zone and got married. I moved to a place I had never been before. But, my husband was from there so it couldn't be so bad. Now that I have lived here I understand the appeal to those that live here. It just doesn't appeal to me. I really feel that I disturb their quaint existence here.

I am dropping everything and free falling into the unknown. I do not like not having a source of income. That makes me crazier than what I already am. I do not like having my own place to live. I have OCD moments when it comes to a "nest". I certainly don't like the idea of not being with my husband.

Kyle and I had a chat last night about personal legends. I made him read The Alchemist and he really took it to heart. I, like the main character in the book, have to follow my personal legend. We both agreed that my future is not in San Angelo. I want to be in school leadership. I can't do that here. That is what I have worked for and that is what I want. I want a PHD and I want to teach college. None of that is attainable here. Life is short. I can't waste even a moment on being unhappy. SO HERE I GO.