Well, I did it.

i did it. i am breaking free. yesterday was the beginning of the Chinese new year. it was also the 1st new moon of the year. i turned in my resignation letter.

i cried. i agonized. i have no job in Austin to speak of. but, i did it.

i was tired of waiting for the next chapter. it has been almost a month since i moved my stuff out. i know i should be more patient. but i am not patient.

after being in San Marcos and seeing my friends, i couldn't help it. my two besties said i look broken down. they said i have had my spirit broken, that i am not myself.

i am scared. but, a wise woman told me recently that this is not a rational situation. it is extreme. nothing i do will make sense right now. moving to a town with no job. all i have is my faith that god will pave a road for me. i may not understand it now. but, only positive will come from this.

after the last couple of months i have grown. i am realizing that i am strong. i mean i thought i was. but, i have never cried and hurt so much in my life. i am still making love to the person who has hurt me the worst in my life. while i am still here i will continue to do it. it has changed from sweet sex to a release of frustration with each other. i don't think that is healthy. although we still laugh and have fun, it has changed.

so here i am. on a road to somewhere, with no idea where the road will take me.