Sunday Morning reflections

I am sitting a bed with no sheets, drinking my third cup of tea. I am struggling with positivity and an inkling of depression is spreading like a veil over my head. I have Mabel Jo now, which makes everything a bit more bearable. I know that the darkest hour is before the dawn. I am relying on that. I plan to leave this house once today. I am going on a LONG walk with Mabel by the river in town. Otherwise, I will clean and make lists of things. I make lists when life is too crazy for me to handle, it is my best coping mechanism.

Kyle made me very upset yesterday. I dug deep down in my soul and dealt with it the very best way I could. I used mostly kind words. I didn't even cry. I think my tear ducts are all dried up anyway. I am not sure he understands the concept of emotion in a relationship. His father was not a very good teacher. I am very thankful for my teachers. Although, my parents may have made me too emotional. So you have two retarded emotional persons, just on opposite emotional spectrum's.

Everything I have done in life has been difficult. Nothing has ever come easy for me. Maybe I have wished it that way, subconsciously. Maybe I did it to be at the point I am now. I totally over analyze everything. I have come to realize that this is not a fault. This is a gift. I am able to write things that most people cannot.