Love is a crazy mess

Well. I am not getting a divorce. Not sure how everything will work out. Feel kinda like i shouldn't divulge too much. My mom told me not to tell anyone about anything. Those of you that know me know I can't keep my mouth shut. So instead of talking..I am writing.

First of all. I did what I thought I needed to do at the time. Kyle (out of ANGER) told me he wanted a divorce. I went crazy. I tore apart the house. I threw things. He said I have a pretty good arm for not being in sports. I tore pictures up. I threw away half of my belongings. I ripped apart my wedding day flowers (which I deeply regret). I wanted to kill him. I picked up a shovel....literally wanted to kill him. After this the man says he still loves me and doesn't want to get a divorce. Bless his soul.

So mom and dad came up and I emptied the house into a uhaul. He said he wishes I didn't do this. He was at a wedding. He came back and it was empty. I was trying to regain power and do the only thing i know how to do...which is RUN. I was trying to be the strong person.

Well. He said we have three things to work on. He wants me to move to Austin. He said he can feel me dying here in San Angelo. SO I will move. He said we both need to grow up and then we need to work on anger.

We love each other. He said he meant the vows he said. So....then he asked me to spend the night with him in our house...destroyed as it may be. He said he did not like me sleeping on a couch. He also said this is the easy part....the making up. Which is very true.

I feel crazy. I feel like a pendulum swinging constantly. I have a theory about couples like us in our generation. We are used to being independent and DAMN do we have issues. We spend our whole lives being selfish. Maybe marriage is just difficult. I don't have all the answers. But, I know that love rises above all. It will be the one thing in our lives that will keep it constant.

Maybe it will work. Maybe it won't. Maybe he will never move to Austin. But, at least I can work on making myself happy. Maybe that will save us. So here we go again...back on the love train. I will take it one day at a time.

Oh, and I told him about my crush. He got jealous. I was waiting for that Scorpio characteristic to come out one day. My Cancer self loves that.